14 July 2024

Who ate all the popcorn??? You Fat……

imsphotos063112-boy-holding-pie-300x199Saturday afternoons of to the movies to watch another film that’s my weekend! Arrive get the student card out, get the tickets then move onto the concessions get some popcorn and coke, walk a few yards give the usher my ticket head off to the screen look for an aisle seat sit down and wait for the trailers. I know I’m a sucker but I love my trailers and adverts its all part of the excitement of going to the flicks, plus seeing new trailers and what the new orange phone network advert is going to be. I always sit on an aisle because I can munch and move around easily without annoying anyone.

The trailers start I watch with excitement and say to myself “ill give that a miss, or that’ll do for me” also saying “please, please don’t sit next to me” referring to the latecomers. You gain a second skin with the teens who sit up the back playing their phones talk loudly but what I do hate is The dad with his son(s) in Primary school age. Don’t get me wrong not all kid are the same a lot are well behaved, but it’s the dads who come with their obese children who can’t stop talking and just been a complete pain.

Let’s go back to last week, Terminator Salvation, The film is already 10 minutes started, a small man comes in with his son who was about 10years, his son was obese. The screen the film was in has a 20-yard walk from door to seating and you could hear the boy talking “Dad!dad!dad! I want a big hotdog and ice cream! will you get me this! please!”, by now the phantom SHUSHHH’R has already started The boy was so big I don’t know how he managed the 5 steps up to the seats and the five steps up to the seats right behind ME!, oh boy this is going to be an uncomfortable movie!

Let’s picture the comedy sketches you see on a plane and a massive person sits right behind you and there that big your face is nearly in the back of the person in front of you!!! well, i was virtually lying face flat in the seat in front of me cause of the little boy. every 2 minutes I would be kicked in the back, or the boy will attempt to get up basically put his hand on my head to get past me and was he knackered by the time he got down those few steps! He would say to his dad if this was the bit of the film John Connor meets his dad but said in a manner that the other 200 people on the screen could hear what he said, obviously from his comment his dad likes to get pirate DVDs or this wasn’t the first time he saw the movie at the cinema. Then from here the nightmare sound of unwrapping of snack papers, slurping of coke, burping, laughing out loud at Helena Bonham Carter characters no hair (she was playing a woman with cancer going through therapy), another kick on the back of my head and to make things worse he then asks his dad…

“Daddy I need to Fart, can I fart please?” at this point the phantom SUSSSH’R has a sorethroat and given up and of course his dad obliged and said yes son let it all out. OMG I could name that tune in 1!!! The smell was unbelieveable i was so desperete to move but i could as I was paralysed from the hip down due the radioactive fallout from the fat boys arse. I think the boy was holding the fart in that long he had to get up (another kick in the head) and the best thing of the whole event happened the young boy went flying down the five steps and i just pissed myself with laughter.

The boy did get himself together and returned and we watched the filmed in total tranquillity. On the way out the boy was over the moon and he coaxed his dad into buying him a big ice cream after he just eaten 2 hotdogs, nachos, malteasers, cheese and onion crisps, 2 mars bars and an extra large popcorn. It is sad that children can get so unhealthy, I know that I ain’t the healthiest person but I know when no means no, and seeing what I saw I’m not surprised that the children of today are fat, c’mon parents get the finger out or your kids will be dead of a heart attack by their 30th birthday.

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