WHITEOUT REVIEW
Location: Braehead Odeon Date: 12th September 2009
ShareIf it’s not a remake of an movie it’s usually an adaptation of an comic book or graphic novel for the big screen, not always the superhero type and I have to say coming from a comicbook collector alot of them are just poor (that’s choice of comic/novel and the movie).
WHITEOUT is based on the comic book/graphic novel series with the same name from Oni Press and was brought to the big screen thanks to Warner Bros. The movie is set around US Marshall Carrie Stetko played by Kate Beckinsdale in Antartica where the final days before the whole station has to home as the whiteout approaches or face 6 months in the dark isolated from outside world. As time gets closer to pack up and go Antartica suffers its first murder and a number of clues and a call from an old remote Russian base from a geologist and Stetko Heads out to the base and here first ecounter with the killer.
Out of knowwhere pops U.N man Robert Pryce(Gabriel Macht ) ,with 72 hours to go before its bon voyage. In the comic book Gabriel Macht’s character is an woman but I dont know why it was changed? As they search for clues, Stetko falls down a hole and gets up (it was like watching a re construction of Arsenal F.C’s Eduardo blatant dive in recent Champion’s League Football match) and finds an old Russian frieghter plane which we find out in a flashback earlier was from 1957 Cold War era when it crashes after they decide to reinact the opening scene from John Woo’s classic Hard Boiled instead of a cafe in a plane full of vodka. The Killer blocks the good guys (and gal) in the plane , we also get another flashback of Carrie in Miami which shows how she lost her confidence and partner at the time.
There’s not alot I can say about this but its absolutely crap. With a setting of Antartica, lands where the weather rules the roost, alienation and isolation, you would expect some amotsphere and taking more advantage of the location and storylines that could have made this awe inspiring. We do get a few moments of heightened tension, but more unipsiring dullness.
This movie seems to give up after the first scene which is the 1957 cold war flashback, no pace, nothing remotely interesting happening. We do get to see Stetko strip off the many layers of clothing and take a shower but this was pointless (cheap thrill) like many of the other scenes. It’s nice to get a little background story to actually understand a little of what Im watching, I just think the writers pet dog rover must felt a bit peckish and had a nibble at it then spit it out because it tasted crap. I think the writer&director must have had Blue Peter moment with it with the old cellotape and attempted to make something out of a molehill and got nothing but a weak bladder with lacklustre direction.
The only directing that was working in the movie was with the viewers in the cinema with exiting the screen. Every review I have read for this movie they have all mention people walking out during the movie, well it happened where I was. Been the sport that I am I decided to sit through the pain and anguish to bring you this review, it started with about 20 people at the start of the movie and finished with 6 people.
The (anti-)climax was as obivious as a Scotland football team reaching a world cup final. I admit I actually guessed who the bad guy was before I even watched the movie, using with brillant scooby Doo mystery detective kit and observation skills. The bad guy was as boring as watching a cricket match and as bland as cheese sandwich and he took the antartica’s version of an roman honourable death and popping out into snowstorm without protection.
Whiteout felt like an expensive TV movie, minimal, pointless, forgettable, plotless crap, File this movie up next to The Happening and the last X-Files movie. I cant believe i’ve actually watched a movie worse than Terminator Salvation!!!
Rating:1.5/5
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