The Academy Awards aren’t exactly UK friendly, kicking off at around the time we’re just about to give it a rest on Sunday night and going well into the wee hours. That means that if you’re planning to stay up to take it all in live you’ll probably need a little something to keep you going. With that in mind, consider this a little gift from The People’s Movies. It’s advised to play with an alcoholic tipple of choice but if you crave only caffeine at that hour (or merely have work on Monday morning) an espresso is a suitable, if equally unforgiving, alternative.
1 DRINK IF:
- Jack Nicholson – Is there a more endearingly familiar sight than Nicholson sitting front row, compete with sunglasses, flashing that Hollywood grin down the camera? It’s one likely to be seen again so get your glass ready.
- A reference to George Clooney’s libido/looks – Clooney’s just about ready to topple Nicholson as the Academy’s darling but that probably won’t spare him a sly dig from the stage, most likely from host Ellen DeGeneres’ opening speech.
- A Winner thanking God – It’ll happen, I promise you.
- A Winner thanking Meryl Streep – Even more ubiquitous than the big Man is the big Lady. The Royal Dame of Hollywood has been thanked numerous times from the podium. Unless she wins for a fourth time, it may well happen again.
- ‘Who?’ – For every alpha A-lister there’s a plucky unknown, for every Leo a Carl. There’s always pleasure to be had from the camera capturing the A-lister at the front turning to their partner with a look, or sometimes utterance, of ‘who?’ Even more pleasure for you – DRINK
- “I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten your name” – It’s understandable, the Oscars are a big deal. You may never get this opportunity again. The list of names on the thank you list must be huge. You’ve already thanked everyone involved in the film, your family, God and Meryl Streep so having a go at reeling off the list of your fellow nominees is probably pushing it a bit.
- Ageing men with ponytails¨- Last year’s theme was soon established as a host of greying men took to the stage to pick up awards and show-off their hirsute dos. They usually reside in the technical categories so keep an eager eye out.
- Spotting a new theme – If last year’s was grey ponytails, this year’s may be moustaches, cowboy boots, oversized accessories, slurry speeches. Whatever it is, follow it through the night and reach for your glass every time it re-appears
DRINK DOUBLE IF:
These are the ultimate no no’s in Oscar-land. The pinnacle of embarrassment or annoyance often earning yourself a place in the history of the awards…and not for the right reason. With that in mind it’s only right that you double your consumption if you witness any of the following:
- Somebody cries – It’s become a mainstay of award ceremonies; a teary recipient clutches their prize while blubbing their way through an overly dramatic acceptance speech. It’s guaranteed to be repeated on Sunday and guarantees you a double.
- ‘Wardrobe malfunction’ – Some of those dresses are awfully tricky garments. “Here’s your dress Jen, just make sure you don’t catch it on…oh, too late, now everyone can see your pants.”
- Somebody trips up on their way to the stage – Everyone’s favourite part of an award show.
- Autocue failure – With a viewing audience reaching 1 billion, nobody wants to be left centre stage not knowing what to say. It is, of course, great for those 1 billion viewers to revel in witnessing the millionaire Hollywood darling squirm uncomfortably for what seems like an eternity.
- A speech gets cut-off – Unlikely to happen to Hollywood’s big hitters but every chance of happening to the key grip on Gravity collecting a technical award on behalf of his friend. Feel sorry for them, and then down your drink.