In Universal’s ParaNorman, Norman Babcock can speak to the dead. So when his town is invaded by zombies, he’s got a leg up when it comes to being the hero! But what happens when you’re not blessed with supernatural powers? What steps can you take to ensure yours and your loved ones’ safety?
This step by step guide will give you the basic tools in how to deal with zombies, and you never know; it might just save your life!
1. KNOW YOUR ENEMY
The first and most important step you must take is to identify what sort of zombie you’re dealing with. Never assume that you know what a zombie looks like; some are slower than snails – and to be honest you have to be a bit stupid to be caught by these guys – and others can RUN. These are the ones to be scared of. Norman and his friends thankfully have the slower versions to deal with, definitely a point in their favour, although with Norman’s nice but peculiar friend, Neil, in their group they’re still at some risk.
In a carnage fest like this, don’t trust ANYONE you don’t have to. Remember, anyone can be bitten, so if your best friend is looking at you like he wants to cover you in marinade and throw you into the oven at 220°c for 40 minutes – GET OUT OF THERE! There’s no cure for a zombie bite, and your friend is officially a goner.
Now you know what you’re up against – the next most important step is to make sure you’ve got everything you need for safety. The townspeople of Blithe Hollow might be turning to Greasy Pieces for sustenance, but you’re going to need a clear mind and a lot of energy to get you through the foreseeable future – think carbohydrates and protein. Make sure to also stock up on lots of tinned goods – you don’t know how long the Zombiepocalypse may last.
3. RUN OR HIDE?
You have two obvious options at your disposal to save yourself and your closest friends and family (if you’re feeling generous!) – find somewhere to hide or get the heck out of dodge. This is depends on where you’re currently residing – towns and cities are a big no-no – too many people means too much risk. If you’re in a well populated area – get in your car and scram! Take only the necessities and of course all your tinned goods.
If you’re in the countryside then you’re probably a lot safer but at the first sign of trouble pack up and go go go! Until you’ve assessed how dangerous these zombies are, do NOT try to take them on.
So you’ve got out of the worst area and found yourself a nice little deserted area where you can hole up until the fighting is over…now all you need is the perfect location where you can put up temporary shelter.
A department store would be the perfect location as will provide you with the essentials – assuming that it has been deserted. Make sure you are aware of all available exits in case of emergencies and so you’re not cornered. A supermarket would also provide you with the essentials you need, but try to steer clear of crowds – if one person is bitten you’re all for it so it’s best not to trust anyone!
Don’t make the same mistake Norman does and hide in a creepy dead person’s house – this can only lead to bad things; plus there’s only one door out. Maybe he wouldn’t have been so scared if he’d had this guide to hand?
Now this should ONLY be a last resort – but you may need to protect yourself using weapons. Now we all know that zombies can’t be killed (since they’re already dead) so this is just a precautionary measure to keep them at bay, but arm yourself with some sharp implements just in case. Get your parents to look after them to be on the safe side, but anything pointy should be hoarded to make sure you’re prepared.
6. WORDS ARE STRONGER THAN WEAPONS
Where did you hear that zombies were bad news? We always assume that zombies are after our brains, but maybe they’re just trying to get us to help them with our brains… ever thought of that? And remember we should never just judge others by the way they look or what others say about them. Plus since there’s no easy way to kill a zombie so it’s more than likely that they will take over the world, and so you should probably make friends with your new zombie overlords!
If you think you won’t put yourself into danger, maybe approach them and see if you can help. Of course you might not be able to speak to the dead like Norman – but maybe you’ll be able to work out what it is they’re after. Remember, you don’t become a hero by being normal.
Hopefully this has been helpful in planning your escape from the Zombies and will provide you with the tools you need to escape the next zombie attack unscathed.
For more handy hints and tips, watch Norman and his friends in ParaNorman – in cinemas from Friday 14th September!